


Halloween Heartbreak

by The_Optimist



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Fire, Injury, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Song: Michael in the Bathroom, Soulmates, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, because they have tattoos for when you fall in love with people?, but it's now in three parts?, cause that's a thing, escaping, idk i'll add more tags later if i need to, in some parts, it's a bit all over the place, lots of dialouge, oh actually, self-depreciation, someone remind me to finish part three if i don't in the next couple of days, technically, the violence thing is mostly to cover self-harm, was kinda meant to be a one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 11:44:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11184414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Optimist/pseuds/The_Optimist
Summary: Things go from bad to worse for Michael on Hallows Eve. He's just really not having a fun night, and that's before the fire breaks out.(technically a soulmate au as you gain a tattoo when you love someone. it changes as your relationship with that person changes. not actually a main part of the story until later so...)





	1. Pain and Fire Are Both All Consuming and Greedy

**Author's Note:**

> Major warning for anxiety/panic attacks. I don't have much personal experience with either to this extent, so I tried to make it kinda vague? Anyway, it's still there, so watch out for that. Also some kinda explicit self harm as well, though no cutting is ever happening. Also there's a house fire and injures related to that so watch out for that.

Michael was getting sick of being avoided. At first it had been easy to pretend it was something else, ‘oh, Jeremy’s busy today, that’s fine,’ until one day became two, then four, then a whole week had passed and they’d barely spoken. Michael knew what had changed, hated that damned squib for taking his best friend away, but he didn’t know what to do. Jeremy didn’t want to talk about it when they were together, and Michael’s sway with his friend was almost completely gone. How was he supposed to convince him this was a bad idea if they didn’t even have regular conversations anymore?  
  
That was the beginning of October. Now, it’s just a few days before halloween and they haven’t spoken since last Monday. It sucks. Michael’s heard passing mentions of the party that usually gets held every year, even finds out it’s at Jake’s house, but finds no use for the information. He’d never attended in the past, and had even less reason to go now if he was just going to go alone. Well, that was until he heard Jeremy was going. Any chance to try and talk with his one and only friend again was not an opportunity Michael was going to pass up, even if it meant he had to go to an actual halloween party.  
  
Michael didn’t bother with a costume, just shrugged on his hoodie on Saturday evening, pulled his shoes on, and grabbed his phone and keys before he headed out. He drove round to Jake’s house in silence, no music on and his headphones at home. He left his truck round the block, considering how many other cars would be parked outside the front of the house, and walked the rest of the way. The tattoo he had pressed against the bit of skin between his shoulder and chest itched slightly, not helping Michael’s feeling of impending doom.  
  
He managed to get in with a group of other party-goers he barely recognised, and made his way deeper into the house. He seemed to be a bit early, so he went off to grab a beer and wait for Jeremy, thinking he would want to be on time to get in on his first proper party. Michael stood there awkwardly for almost an hour, drinking his beers slowly, before finally giving up and heading off to the bathroom. With the door closed, the music became a distant pounding rather than too loud to speak over, and Michael was separated from the drunk and drugged teens on the other side. With a small sigh of relief, he leaned against the sink, pulling out his phone for something to do. He quickly put it away again when he was faced with his empty text messages and lack of actual friends. Instead, Michael turned, and save for an actual seat, climbed into the bath instead. It was still wet in some places, but not enough to be uncomfortable, so Michael lent back and decided to wait it out.  
  
He’d barely been there for twenty minutes, growing increasingly bored, when the door opened again, and someone breathing heavily locked it behind them. They back up until Michael can finally see that it’s Jeremy, just who he had been looking for. He sits down on the edge of the bath, and Michael reaches up to grab him. “Sup,” he says by way of passive aggressive greeting. Jeremy looks shocked.  
  
“Michael? I didn’t know you were invited to this party.” Jeremy seems genuinely surprised, and it throws Michael off.  
  
“I wasn’t, which is why I’m wearing this clever disguise,” Michael gives a one handed gesture to his everyday outfit, and Jeremy’s lips twitch. “You’re speechless. Squib got your tongue?” Michael asks with a humourless smile.  
  
“It’s… off.”  
  
“That would explain why you’re talking to me,” Michael pauses. “I’ve been thinking about this moment. What I would say to you? I had this really pissed off monologue, an epic journey through twelve years of friendship... What?” Jeremy’s giving him a strange look, and considering the situation he really doesn’t know how to process it.  
  
“It’s really good to see you man,” is what he finally says. Michael frowns ever so slightly, but continues on.  
  
“It won’t be, once you hear what I’ve found out.”  
  
Jeremy looks confused. “Found out?”  
  
“About…” Michael cuts off, tapping his head for explanation, unsure as to how much the squib can see in Jeremy’s head and what it would understand.  
  
“How?” Jeremy asks, confusion not having yet abated, “there’s nothing on the internet-“  
  
“Which is weird, right?” Michael says, leaning forward in the tub to be closer to Jeremy. “I mean, what’s not on the internet? So I start asking around. Finally, this guy I play Warcraft with, he told me how his brother went from a straight D student to a freshman at Harvard. You wanna know where he is now?” Jeremy looks like he knows he isn’t going to like the answer.  
  
“Really happy and successful?” He asks, hope lacing his tone, but his eyes betraying him.  
  
“He’s in a mental hospital. Totally lost it.”  
  
Jeremy pulls back sharply, though not out of Michael’s grip. “I don’t see what that has to do with…”  
  
“Think, man! We’re talking an insanely powerful super-computer. You really think its primary function is to get you laid? Who made them? How did they end up in a high school? In New Jersey? Of all possible applications for such a mind-blowingly advanced technology, you ever wonder what it’s doing inside you?” He sees it immediately when Jeremy’s face goes from confused to blank. In an instant he’s changed, and Michael wonders if his squib has come back online.  
  
Jeremy sneers ever so slightly, expression distorting his face, and Michael’s heart clenches. “And I thought Chloe was jealous.”  
  
Hurt, Michael tries again. “I’m honestly asking!”  
  
“Really? ‘Cause I think you’re pissed that I have one and you don’t!” A haunting fear begins to clog Michael’s throat. What if the squib is still offline?  
  
“Come on-“ Michael tries again, but is cut off by Jeremy.  
  
“Maybe I got lucky, is that so weird? With my history, I’d say the universe owed me one. And I don’t know about your friend’s brother’s whatever, but if you’re telling me his squib made him crazy-“  
  
Michael squeezes Jeremy’s wrist slightly. “His squib didn’t make him crazy,” he says, statement definitive.  
  
“Oh. Well, there you go then.” His face goes loose again.  
  
“He went crazy trying to get it out.” And there go the walls, right back up in an instant.  
  
“Then I’ve got nothing to worry about. Why would I want that?” Jeremy stands, turning away from Michael. Fear overruns him, and Michael jumps up, striding to the door to block Jeremy’s path. “Move it,” Jeremy says, approaching and stopping so close that his crossed arms almost touch Michael’s chest.  
  
“Or you’ll what?” Michael says, voice low to hide its tremor, that maybe this won’t work, that maybe this _will_.  
  
“Get out of my way,” Jeremy says, uncrossing his arms and leaning in so that his face is right in front of Michael’s. The shorter boy begins to go red, before Jeremy speaks again. “Loser,” he practically hisses, and suddenly Michael’s face is red for a different reason. His heart pounds for a new aspect of Jeremy, one he does not enjoy at all, and he feels a shooting pain in his shoulder. He steps aside, and Jeremy storms out without a backwards glance, slamming the door behind him. Michael locks it with a shaking hand, leaning his forehead against the wood.  
  
“Hello! Other people have to pee!” Come a call on the other side that could be anyone at this point and Michael wouldn’t know.  
  
He says the first thing that comes to mind, something he’s told Jeremy many times before to get him to leave him alone for a bit, even if this time it’s a lie. “I’m having my period,” and it sure feels like it. His emotions are all over the place now, and the beginnings of an anxiety attack are churning up his gut in an uncomfortably familiar way.  
  
“Take your time, honey,” comes the voice again on the other side, softer this time, and Michael turns away.  
  
He heads back to the bath, sitting on the edge where it’s still warm from Jeremy’s body heat. He drops his head into his hands, taking as deep a breath as he can mange and trying to ignore how it catches slightly. The thought that if he left right now, nobody would even notice, crosses his mind, and he quickly drops his hands to stand. He moves to lean back against the sink, back to the mirror this time, and pulls his phone out again. His next breath isn’t as deep as the last one when he sees no new messages, his two contacts, his latest chat history going to weeks ago…  
  
He puts his phone back in his pocket, sliding down the cabinet till his sitting on the floor. The spot next to him on the floor is cold. He wishes Jeremy was still here, and yet never wants to see him again. He immediately tucks that thought away, not sure how he’d bare never seeing his best friend’s - ex-best friend - face again.  
  
He isn’t sure how long he sits there, cool tiles chilling his skin even as his face flushed and his lungs began to burn. A knock sounds at the door and he shouts something at them, not really caring what it is that he says as long as they leave. His fingers find the small spaces between the tiles on the floor, the hard grout between them coming away under his fingers as he tries to focus on his breathing and not on the fact that his best friend has just walked out on him. His shoulder burns at the reminder, and he stands once again. Outside that door that keeps him safe and isolated, he knows Jeremy is enjoying himself. Is probably talking to people and having a good time and forgetting Michael even existed. Replacing him with someone better, like Rich or Jake or anyone, anyone would be a step up from Michael. Tears escape his eyes without his permission, and he swipes his sleeve over his face.  
  
“I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY~” Makes it’s way through the door, and Michael manages to hum tunelessly along with the drunk girl before he chokes slightly, a small sob escaping him. He turns back to the bath tub, gently sitting on the edge once again, and pulls off his hoodie. He can only just see his tattoo if he pulls his shirt collar down a bit, and he has to hold back another sob at what he sees. The once bright tattoo of a controller had been slowly fading around the edges over the past few weeks, the colours seemingly seeping out into his skin, but now it’s broken. The controller is split in half, and is grey and black, no colour to be seen at all. He knows what this means. Jeremy Heere has broken his heart.  
  
He lets his shirt go, face dropping back into his hands as he cries, tears and snot making his hands wet, liquid spilling onto his wrists, exposed from where he’s taken his jumper off. He doesn’t even try to contain his gross noises as he loses himself in his pain. Even the near constant knocking on the door barely distracts him, though he stands when it gets louder. He stumbles to the sink, shouting once again at the door, but they don’t let up. Even with pressure pounding on his chest, hot and building inside him, and the door handle jiggling as someone tries to get in, Michael forces a deep breath and washes his face off as best he can, thinking of a million excuses if anyone were to even ask about his obvious crying. Finally, he wipes off his face on his hoodie, pulling it back on as he heads to the door, but just as he reaches it he realises the knocking has stopped. He pauses, before slowly turning around and heads back to his place by the sink.  
  
All of a sudden he sees himself there in the mirror, and he knows that he can’t deny it anymore. It’s printed on his skin, it’s clear in his eyes, and all of a sudden the pressure is too much. The crying starts again as he takes in that he’s alone, alone, _alone_ , and that’s all he’ll ever be, and even Jeremy couldn’t put up with him for long. He wants to be anywhere but here, at home and high or in bed, or even just fucking dead, maybe non-existent, oh how easy it would have been if he had never even been fucking born, he thinks as his chest screams, his heart breaks all over again, and he lets out a fierce shout as he punches the wall, fist connecting with the smooth tiles over and over.  
  
“What a fucking loner,” he hisses, fist colliding with the wall. “And a fucking stoner.” Another punch, and now blood is pouring down his knuckles. “Rides around in a PT Cruiser,” another hit, “God he’s such a _loser_ ,“ he hisses to himself, voice almost matching how Jeremy’s had sounded earlier. Finally, something breaks in his hand, and he steps back from the blood splattered wall, cradling his bleeding and bruised hands against his stomach. He turns away, climbing back into the bath, and wishes to everything he knows that he hadn’t come to this party.


	2. Fire is the Devil's Only Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rich starts a fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end notes for warnings.
> 
> I edited this chapter so it's longer and a bit more flowy so hopefully it's better than it was before? Idk lol

Michael had crawled pathetically back into the bath, laying curled on his side, tears flowing numbly down his face as he focused simply on breathing and ignoring the dangerous thoughts in his head. He spent so long ignoring the world around him that he almost missed the first scream outside the door. He paused in his deep breathing to focus on the noise. He was about to put it up to being a one off when it came again, echoed by many other voices as people downstairs began to panic. Sitting up without haste, Michael looked over at the door, confused. He realised belatedly that he was dissociating which is why he wasn’t freaking out, and sighed. He climbed slowly out of the tub, getting shakily to his feet and made his way to the door. There was some sort of low level crackling noise that Michael could hear over the quieting shouts, but he couldn’t place what it was. He opened the door, looking out into the hallway, only to find it empty. The crackling got louder, and Michael realised the screams were coming from outside, and that it seemed as if nobody remained in the house anymore. A glance up revealed why, as smoke gathered against the ceiling, quickly building up and beginning to be forced down the hallway at a terrifying pace. Michael felt a tingling of anxiety in his chest, but it was buried under numbness and a hint of relief. He barely had time to consider escaping the fire when a shout came from down the hallway. He turned in time to see Rich racing towards him, something manic shining in his eyes, which also seemed to have a blue glow to them. Michael stepped forward to try and stop him, but Rich just swerved out of his way, almost knocking Michael off his feet. “Stop him!” Came a hoarse shout from behind him, and Michael didn’t even turn to see who it was, just raced after Rich.  
  
He almost threw himself down the stairs to keep up with Rich, who seemed intent on getting to the fire. The shorter boy ran straight into the growing flames at the bottom of the stairs, screaming in pain as he did so. Michael was startled into stopping by his sobs and cries, and something already coiled in his chest tightened. Someone flew past him, and Michael distantly recognised him as Jake. His shouts of fear and pain pushed Michael forward, and between them they managed to grab Rich’s squirming body, pulling him away from the flames. He let out a few feeble coughs, before his eyes rolled up into his head and he slumped against Jake, who wrapped and arm around his shoulders to keep him upright.  
  
Michael, with shaking and burnt hands moved to hold Rich’s waist, helping support his weight, and Jake threw him a thankful look, opening his mouth to say something but coughing instead. Michael was still out of breath from his brief sprint, something he could probably blame on his lack of exercise and binder both, and he could feel the smoke adding to the problem. Instead of speaking, he just nodded at Jake, and between the two of them they managed to get Rich back upstairs and away from the fire, trying to stick close to the ground to avoiding inhaling anymore smoke. Jake led them to a closed door, which he opened to reveal a guest bedroom. He took Michael to the window, opening it to show the roof of an extension on the ground floor not far below. Michael climbed out first, grateful for the fresh air of the outside, before he helped Jake pass Rich down onto the roof. When Jake joined him, they made their way to the edge, looking out onto the back garden. Michael noticed the flashing blue and red lights coming from somewhere in front of the house, and pointed it out to Jake. “Maybe we can just wait here for someone to get a ladder? Or one of those firemen trampoline things? That happens all the time in movies…” He trailed off, not sure where he was going with this anymore.  
  
“Yeah, that’ll be fine, right? That way we don’t have to get Rich off the-“ Jake was suddenly cut off by a deep groan coming from the house, and Michael was suddenly aware of the lack of stability in the roof beneath them. If the fire had reached the room below them, which Michael thought might have been a pantry, them it could easily cave the roof in given enough time. Suddenly, waiting it out didn’t seem like such a good idea.  
  
“Jump?” He asked, picking up Rich again.  
  
“Jump,” Jake agreed, before taking a step back and, when Michael nodded, jumped off the roof, Michael and Rich by his side.  
  
Michael let go of Rich when he hit the ground, landing on his shoulder and knocking his head off the dry earth hard enough for his ears to ring. He groaned, pushing himself upright even as his shoulder winged in protest, and turned to look for the other two boys. Rich lay sprawled out, half on top of Jake, but with no apparent injuries other than his burnt and quickly blistering skin that made Michael almost sick to see. Jake was in obvious and vocal pain underneath his friend, and he was lying on his back. From the sight of his legs, it seemed as though he’d tried to land standing up, and Michael really did throw up then. His breathing was laboured, but after wiping his mouth he moved forward to grab Rich, gently dragging him away from Jake and the fire, before leaving him a safe distance so he could return to the still conscious boy. Jake was crying, breath hiccuping, and he grabbed tightly to Michael’s arm when he reached him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice croaking as he wrapped his arms around Jake’s chest, heaving him backwards across the grass and around the side of his house, trying to ignore his shouts of pain as his legs were jostled. Eventually it was too much for Jake, and he lost his fight to stay awake just as Michael dragged him into sight of the paramedics and firefighters on the scene. He was spotted almost immediately, and a couple of the firemen jogged over, speaking over Michael’s head as they took over in the care for Jake. “Uh, his friend, umm, he’s behind the house,” he gestured vaguely in the direction of the garden, and all but one of the men headed in that direction. A paramedic joined them, turning to address Michael first as she knelt by Jake’s head.  
  
“Hey there, could you tell me your friend’s name?”  
  
“Oh, we’re not, a, um, it’s Jake?” Michael managed to get out, throat feeling tight.  
  
“That was brave of you to help someone who wasn’t your friend. Can you tell me if he has any other injuries?” She inspected Jake’s legs carefully, moving him carefully by his hips to get a better view of the bone very obviously protruding from Jake’s shin.  
  
“His, uh, his hands,” Michael turned away so he wouldn’t throw up again, and saw a stretcher being rushed past him. He followed it’s path to the back of the house till it went out of sight, before he turned back to Jake. He still felt queasy but it was probably because he had thrown up earlier. The paramedic seemed distracted By Jake, so Michael took this as his chance to escape. There was no way he was going to the hospital for some smoke inhalation and a couple of burns on his arms, not when they might ask about his scars. Michael turned tail and fled, spotting a crowd still gathered outside the front of Jake’s house, firefighters and paramedics moving between them as some sobbed, some stood still in shock, some searching frantically for friends, some on the phone to parents or siblings or other friends. Michael rubbed his tired and puffy eyes, wanting to know where Jeremy was. He pulled out his own phone, sending off a series of texts to his ex-friend, hoping that for once Jeremy would respond to his frantic messages. When after a few minutes he was still sat on Un-Read, Michael flipped over to one of the only other contacts in his phone, quickly dealing and hoping she wasn’t on shift. “Hi, yeah, mom? Could you give me a lift home?”  
  
His mother was concerned, but she had to go back to work. She dropped Michael off at the house, running a soft hand threw his hair, briefly cupping his face, pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, and then she was gone again. Michael had stumbled inside, stripping off his clothes as he made his way upstairs, dumping it all in the wash hamper in the hall cupboard as he passed it. He entered the bathroom in just his socks, boxers and binder. He put his glasses on the cabinet, and pulled off his underwear which smelt like smoke and left it on the floor as he climbed into the cool shower. He shivered under the flow of the water, but it soothed his arms that were now bright red, looking almost as blistered as Rich had, almost like- Michael’s vision blurred, from tears and from the spinning the room was doing, and suddenly he was throwing up again, glad for once he was in the shower as he sobbed openly, leaning against the cold tile as bile was washed away down the drain.  
  
He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, shivering and wishing for death, before his tears dried. It was even longer after that before he finally climbed out of the shower, grabbing a towel to dry himself off, briefly forgetting about his burns and hissing in pain as he rubbed over them. He shook as he carried his clothes pressed close to his body, throwing them in with the others he had warn to the party, almost running back to his room to wrap himself in his usual sleep clothes, a baggy jumper and boxers. He climbed slowly into bed, injuries from the day tugging his focus, like his probably-broken hand, and his injured shoulder, and his still smokey lungs, and his burnt arms. Michael collapsed, boneless, barely able to pull his duvet over him as the world blackened at the edges, and he fell asleep. His last thought before he was completely lost to the world was that he was glad he didn’t have school tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More self harm references here, though not done entirely consciously. Some extreme injury, graphic in description. House fire and some bad burns, plus passing out from pain, are in this chapter. Mention of a possible concussion, and smoke inhalation, plus avoiding getting actual medical help Michael you ding wad. Just kinda sad and scary.


	3. The Show Must Go On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael may not be what Jeremy wants right now, but he's definitely what he needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For once, I think we're okay? It's pretty much just The Play but from Michael's point of view? Anyway, this is probably fine if you were good with the musical. Still some self-depreciation on Michael's part though, but it's only a little.

Michael isn’t even sure why he’s attending the school show. Sure, he was going to go for Jeremy, but now he and Jeremy aren’t even friends anymore, so what’s the point? But still, he’s concerned for his ex-friend’s heath, especially in making sure he doesn’t go crazy because of his squib anytime soon. Plus, Jeremy’s dad had asked him to be here, and he couldn’t just ignore him when the man had put on pants for once. He still couldn’t believe he had known that Michael was in love with Jeremy, he had thought he hadn’t been that obvious. But still, one of Mr Heere’s first questions had been about Michael’s love for his son, so he couldn’t really be that discreet.  
Michael had a seat near the side of the hall, close to one of the emergency exits. He thought it was a good thing, considering he didn’t know how long his heart would hold out seeing Jeremy’s face again. It had been his turn to avoid his friend, but it seems like he hadn’t noticed like Michael had. That had hurt worse than his broken fingers, burnt hands and badly bruised shoulder combined.  
  
They had barely even made it more than a few songs into the show when a chill went up Michael’s spine. Something was wrong, he could feel it, and it wasn’t the fact that Jeremy looked slightly panicked up on stage. He got out of his seat, sliding past the last few people at the end of his row, before quickly making his way through the exit doors. He made his way quickly through the hallways of the empty high school, headed for where he knew the backstage area to be. Just as he rounded the corner to face the door into the backstage area, his phone began to ring, and he almost dropped his bottle of Mountain Dew. He didn’t bother to check who was calling him, instead he rushed forward, throwing open the door, a small smug smile on his face as he greeted the shocked and pale faced Jeremy on the floor by his feet.  
“Michael!” Jeremy shouted, sounding pleased for once at the sight of him, just enough for Michael to ignore the rolling in his gut.  
  
“I was in the audience thinking, this is really good for a school play,” he says, reaching out to help pull Jeremy to his feet. “Then I’m like, _this is way too good for a school play!_ They’ve all been squiped, right?”  
  
Jeremy gave him a large smile, one he hadn’t seen directed his way in months. “You came to see me in the play?”  
  
Michael shrugged, but he smiled in return. “I even brought my own refreshments.”  
  
“Is that-“  
  
“Mountain Dew Red, told you I did my research,” Michael said, smug grin firmly back in place.  
  
“That’s amazing!” Jeremy said, almost jumping in place as he reached for the two litre bottle. “Give it to me!”  
  
“Okay, wait. No,” Michael says, taking a step back to put distance between the bottle and Jeremy.  
  
“But I need it!” He cried out, looking desperate. ‘Not as desperate as I am.’  
  
“And I need an apology,” Michael says, feeling that twisting in his gut worsen. He couldn’t lose his friend, he was going to make sure Jeremy was stuck with him, even if that was all they were. “I think that’s in order, I mean, you treat me like I don’t exist for weeks, blow me off when I try to help you-“  
“Fine!” Jeremy says, like he’s giving in, “I’m-“  
  
He suddenly cuts off, and Michael glares at him. This is definitely not helping his case at the moment. Jeremy starts to make some weird hissing noise like he’s struggling to say the word sorry, but he just looks stupid. “Seriously? Is it that hard to say sorry?”  
  
“YYYYYESSSSSS!” He manages to get out, like he’s trying to get control of his mouth. “C’mon man, this is important!”  
  
“Well this is important to me!” Michael shouts at him, he can’t help it, those remaining feelings of hurt are stirring again at Jeremy’s refusal to apologise, and a deep set anger that swallowed his sorrow it’s starting to rear its head.  
  
“It’s a word!”  
  
“It’s a gesture! Gestures matter!”  
  
Jeremy suddenly leaps at Michael, trying to attack him. With a cry, Michael jumps back, keeping a tight hold on the bottle as he tries to fight Jeremy off unsuccessfully.  
“This is so you! You love to feel superior, just because you eat eel in your sushi and listen to music on vinyl and and don’t care about being popular!” Jeremy’s going for Michael’s metaphorical ‘fleshy bits,’ and he doesn’t want to admit it might be working.  
  
“Of course I care! I just know it’s never gonna happen!”  
  
“So you resent me because I wouldn’t give up like you did?”  
  
“I don’t resent you! I’m jealous you try!”  
  
“Well, I’m jealous you don’t!” Wait, what?  
  
“Then why are you hitting me?”  
  
“I’m not trying to!”  
  
“Don’t try harder!”  
  
“It’s – not – me – it’s – my – SQUIP!” Jeremy finally throws himself away, and Michael realises he’s been fighting with the squib the entire time. “It’s taking over my body! I need your help! I’M SORRY!” Jeremy cried out for him, and Michael knew there was no way he could leave his friend hanging like this. He really did love him far too much for that.  
  
Just as Michael dropped to his knees at Jeremy’s side to hold down his thrashing body, Jake appeared. “Jake! This is going to sound weird, but if I hold Jeremy down, can you make him drink this Mountain Dew Red?” The last time he had seen Jake had been at the halloween party, and he knew the boy might be a bit more willing to help him out after their shared experience. He throws Jake the bottle, who catches it one handed, his crutch still tucked under his arm.  
  
“Actually, that doesn’t seem weird at all,” but just as he says it, some sort of shock makes his full body twitch, and all of a sudden he looks off into the distance and tips out the bottle onto the floor. “Oh yeah! I was pretty cool before, but now I’m _so_ much cooler. Lovin’ this upgrade.” Michael stared at him in shock, and he didn’t notice Jeremy stilling under him. “Plus, check this out!” Jake dropped his crutches, standing on his casted legs.  
  
“It healed your legs?” Jeremy said, shocked, and Michael realised that even Jake had been squiped.  
  
“No. But I can’t feel the pain. It’s awesome,” Jake said, smile stretched across his face.   
  
Michael stood, once again helping Jeremy to his feet. He kept his hand wrapped around Jeremy’s arm so as to make sure he didn’t lose control and try and attack him again. “There you are Jeremy,” came the voices of Brooke and Chloe at the exact same time, working scarily in sync, matching the way they were moving slowly towards them. They start humming creepily as they come to a stop a few steps away from the two boys. “I just want you to know I’m not mad you broke my heart and slept with my best friend,” Brooke says, looking scarily calm.  
  
“And I’m not mad you dated my best friend and wouldn’t sleep with me,” Chloe says, tone matching Brooke’s almost exactly.  
  
“He didn’t sleep with you?” Brooke says, whipping around to look at Chloe.  
  
“No!”  
  
“He didn’t sleep with me!”  
  
“ _No!_ “  
  
“Oh my god!” They say, back in sync once again, “why was I so jealous of you? You were jealous of _me?_ That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me! Sisters forever! Jinx!” Michael stared half in awe, half in horror as the girls went on. This squip business really was terrifying.  
  
“Michael,” Jeremy said, reclaiming his attention, “the bottle. There’s a few drops left.” Michael looked between Jeremy and where the bottle sat behind Chloe and Brooke.  
“How am I supposed to get past them?”  
  
“Apocalypse of the Damned, level nine-“ Jeremy says, and Michael grins.  
  
“The Cafetorium,” they say, as in sync as the girls had been. “Got it.”  
  
Michael rushes forward, jumping to the side at the last minute as Jeremy moves round the other side of the two girls. They shout instructions back and forth, combos that only they would understand, managing to actually make their way past the two girls who are actually kind of distracted reaffirming their friendship. Michael leaps forward to sweep up the bottle, glad there’s enough left for one person.  
  
“I know what you’re doing Michael! I know what everyone’s doing! All. The. Time!” Michael skids to a stop in front of Jenna, holding tightly to the bottle in his hands.  
  
“I just feel so connected to you guys right now!” Comes a shout from somewhere behind him, but he doesn’t turn to see who it was.  
  
“Jeremy!” He shouts, instead, turning to look over at his friend.   
  
“Michael!” Jeremy shouts back, turning from his place past Jenna to look back at Michael.  
  
“Catch!” He throws the bottle to where Jeremy is staring at him wide eyed.  
  
“No!” Jeremy shouts out, struggling to grab it without dropping it again. He lifts it to his lips, about to take a drink, before he freezes. His eyes go wide, and Michael curses the squip. Of course it would resist being turned off. Jeremy twitches, scowling, when Christine runs off stage, joining them in the wings.  
  
“Jeremy?” She asks, voice almost higher than it was before, softer than Michael remembered it being before.  
  
“… Christine?” Jeremy asks back softly, seemingly regained control briefly. Michael feels his heart kick up, pain shooting through it at the thought that Christine could knock Jeremy out of his stupor and Michael couldn’t.  
  
“Did you see me out there? The audience loved me!” Michael takes a step back, and Jenna turns slightly to watch the interaction. She is a gossiper after all, she wouldn’t miss out on this even with an insane super computer in her brain.  
  
“I… that’s awesome! I mean, of course they did,” Jeremy seems lost for words.  
  
“I’m so glad I found you here. I wanted to apologise.”  
  
“You… why?” Michael is just as confused as Jeremy looks to be.  
  
“Because, silly,” Christine says, voice sweet and teasing, making Michael feel slightly sick. “You were right. About how it feels. I… feel… amazing.” She looks high, almost mad, and Michael shudders at the thought of something doing that to him that he couldn’t control.  
  
“No-“ Jeremy says, cutting himself off as he stares in horror at Christine.  
  
“You are the person I want to be with everyday.” Christine slowly begins to walk forward, speaking softly in an almost haunting way. “And this is something that I’ve been afraid to say,” her voice looks like it’s enchanting Jeremy, almost like something out of a disney movie.  
  
“That is _not_ Christine,” Jeremy says, and Michael notices he looks kind of shaken.  
  
“You’re the guy that I’m so kinda into. You’re the guy that I’m totally into. This feeling is new, Jeremy, I love you.” Both Michael and Jeremy stare at Christine in shock. No way had she just said that.  
  
Jeremy just stared at her for a moment, having some sort of internal battle, and Michael felt a small part of his heart shrivel up and die when he finally took a step forward. He didn’t hear what Jeremy said to her, only saw as he handed over the bottle. “No,” Michael hissed under his breath. He didn’t want to lose Jeremy to a girl this way. he knew there was no coming back from this. But instead of throwing the bottle away, Christine instead lifted it, drinking the last remains of the liquid at the bottom, Michael staring on in shock as she suddenly dropped the empty bottle and began to scream.  
  
Michael ran forward as Jeremy stepped back, the scream seemingly sending shockwaves throughout the students behind the stage, who stumbled back and quickly began screaming themselves. Michael reached Jeremy just as he began his own screaming, falling back into Michael who caught him, lowering them both to the ground. He thrashed weakly in Michael’s lap as he cried out, and Michael tried to hold back his fear as he called out Jeremy’s name. His eyes rolled back in his head, and just like the rest of the students within sight, he went still. Michael’s fingers clumsily found his neck, searching for a pulse, and he let out a sigh of relief when he found one, steady, if slightly fast. The screaming had brought the attention of adults and teachers, both of which quickly joined him backstage.  
  
“Mr Mells!” He heard his history teacher shout, and Michael turned to look for her in the crowd near the door. “What happened?!” She stepped forward, stopping at his side to look down at the unconscious children around her.  
  
“I-I don’t know? I, umm, the juice? For the show? The zombie juice?” He gestured wildly at the bright green liquid he could see in a container at the side of the stage, sitting half empty on a table top.  
  
“Someone find Mr Reyes! We have another Arsenic and Old Lace problem!” Miss Grittes shouts over her shoulder, sending the teachers into a flurry across the stage. She turns back to Michael, crouching to check on Jeremy briefly, before placing a hand on Michael’s shoulder. “He’ll be fine,” she says briefly, before heading off quickly to tend to other students. Michael turns back to Jeremy, who’s face is lax. He brushes his hair gently out of his face and sighs slightly. He knows that when he wakes up, his first thought is going to be for Christine, and there’s nothing Michael can do about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knooooow, I had it set for completion at three chapters, but I kinda over wrote a bit? So it's four now. Hope you don't mind too much. I have to go do my english homework I've been putting off all week now. Thanks for reading everyone!


	4. Baby Don't Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy's finally back to himself, but can anything really go back to the way it was?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhh okay so warnings again! I know, I'm sorry, I promised fluff but here we go with some more angst. Check end notes for full details!

“What is he, your boyfriend? No judgment, just curious. Totally bi now.” Michael wasn’t sure if today was going to get much weirder. Just last night the school show had been disrupted by Jeremy’s squip trying to take over the entire cast, then Christine saving everyone, and also knocking them out, with a sonic scream, and then Michael spending the night in the hospital watching over his possibly-friends-again friend, Jeremy. And now this, with Rich awake, talking to the very same Jeremy Michael was waiting to wake up, and declaring he’s bi.  
  
“I’m sure some special someone will be lucky to have you, Rich,” he says as he enters, sitting between Jeremy and Rich.  
  
Rich smiles widely, burns stretching across his face but he doesn’t seem to be in pain. Probably on the good stuff then. “You think?”  
  
Michael rolls his eyes, but gives Rich a smile, before closing the curtain separating the two ‘rooms’ from each other. He turns to Jeremy, and feels anxious again. The look Jeremy is giving him is unfamiliar, even without the squip, and that’s what scares Michael most. His best friend is different, has been changed, and they might never be able to connect like they did before ever again.  
  
“What happened?” Jeremy asks at last, “all I remember is that noise, and…” He trails off, so Michael takes the lead, speaking quickly to cover any more possible awkward silences that he can’t handle.  
  
“Oh man, it was genius! They were communicating with each other – they were linked! Which means… when you consider the kind of high-frequency sonic disturbance needed to wipe out a system that powerful…” he got excited at the thought, but it wasn’t enough to distract him at the moment. Not with Jeremy’s pained look, and his own churning gut.  
  
“Michael,” Jeremy says quickly, “my head still hurts.”  
  
“Right, ah…” Michael rubs his neck awkwardly, bumping his headphones as he does so. He wraps his fingers in the cord and tugs anxiously. “Turns out you didn’t have to destroy ever squip. Just one. And the rest…” Michael uses his free hand to mimic blowing something up. “Boom boom boom,” he says, but it is lackluster.  
  
There is silence again, and Jeremy’s eyes are sad. They are wide and hopeful and so, so _sad,_ and Michael doesn’t know what to do. He wants his best friend back, but they’re both hurting and a bit more broken than they had been before, and maybe they don’t fit together anymore. His shoulder aches.  
  
“I don’t get it,” Jeremy says suddenly, startling Michael slightly. “After everything I did… you were still there for me. Why?” There is another lengthy pause as Michael takes in the question, eyes looking over Jeremy’s face.  
  
Finally, Michael drops his gaze and frowns. He doesn’t know what to say. He had been ready to give up. Not just on Jeremy and their friendship, but on himself. The neatly spaced scars across his body only felt like further proof that Michael wasn’t strong enough. Maybe he would tell Jeremy a half truth though. “I can’t take all the credit. Your dad can be shockingly persuasive.”  
  
“My dad?” Jeremy says, shock and disbelief lacing his tone. Michael raises his head again, and sees the same emotions on his friend’s face. Michael glances over his shoulder at the door, but it remains closed.  
  
“Yeah. I got him to go buy some pants though, which will be good for him, hopefully.” Michael shrugs slightly, and sighs. He’s tired, he hasn’t slept in days, he wants everything to be alright again with Jeremy, and most of all he wants to go home. “He’ll be round in a bit, probably. We were down in the cafeteria getting lunch earlier.”  
  
Jeremy nods, looking distracted. “That’s… good. Lunch?”  
  
“Yeah, you’ve been out since last night. Most of the others were discharged this morning, but you and Rich had quips the longest so you were both out for a while,” Michael explains quickly. There’s a slight shuffling sound from the other side of the curtain, and Michael knows Rich is listening in. “Oh for- Rich just fucking join the conversation if you’re gonna listen in.”  
  
The curtain draws back, and Rich in his full body cast glory in the bed next to them grins. “Why thank you Michael, my beautiful saviour. Hey, actually, you’re gay aren’t you?” His smile turns flirtatious, and he sends a wink Michael’s way. Flustered, Michael stumbles over his speech, unsure of how to respond and definitely trying not to think about Jeremy in the bed next to him.  
  
“Pf- what- no, I- well, yeah but- wait- fuck!” He can tell his face is bright red, and Rich lets out a laugh at the sight of him. Jeremy looks seriously confused, and perhaps a tad annoyed, but Michael doesn’t have the spoons necessary to deal with /that/ specific emotion right now.  
  
“Oh Michael, that was _adorable,~_ you’re so cute,” Rich says again, completely overdoing it, and Michael begins to laugh with him when he realises he’s joking.  
“I don’t understand?” Jeremy says, face still downturned. Rich shares a look with Michael, and Michael nods.  
  
“Jeremy, I’m gay,” Michael says outright, and Jeremy’s eyes widen in shock.  
  
“You’re what? And you didn’t tell me?” He sounds slightly offended, but more… something else. Michael doesn’t know what it is, but it doesn’t sound entirely bad.  
  
Michael brushes his fringe back with his fingers. “You were busy,” he turns his face away, but instead glimpses Rich’s sorrowful expression rather than Jeremy’s.  
  
“Jeremy!” Comes a call from the door, and all three heads turn to find Jeremy’s dad stood in the doorway. “Are you okay?” He strides forward, moving more confidently than he had in almost two years, and Michael can’t help but feel a little bit proud of him.  
  
“Actually, I’m great-“ Jeremy starts, a smile on his face, but his dad gets there first.  
  
“I’m glad. Because you’re grounded. You’re going to see some serious changes young man, starting with-“ he pauses mid sentence, seemingly just noticing Jeremy’s smile. Michael shuffles out the chair to let Jeremy’s dad sit, and instead sits by Rich’s legs on his bed. “What?”  
  
“Dad, you’re… you’re wearing…” He can’t seem to form a full sentence, too surprised.  
  
“Don’t look so surprised. I’m your father. And I wear the pants around here! Now let’s get down to business: who’s this Christine person, and why did I have to hear about her from him?” He gestures over his shoulder at Michael, who blushes slightly as Jeremy’s eyes find him over his dad’s shoulder.  
  
“It doesn’t matter. After what I did, I’m lucky if she wants to go to the same school as me.” Michael wasn’t sure why, but that twisted in his chest, how Jeremy had said that. After what he’d done to _Christine_? Okay, maybe he was still a little bit salty after what had happened. Michael just shoves the feeling into a tight space in his chest, and pretends it doesn’t exist. He catches Mr Heere’s gaze, and knows the man is pitying him, or possibly even sympathising with him. “What?” Says Jeremy, confused once again.  
  
“It’s reassuring. He still doesn’t know anything about girls.” It supposed to be a comfort, but from the looks he gets from everyone bar Jeremy, he just sounds sad. “Uh, do you want us to give you some time alone?” Michael says after a brief silence, gesturing at the curtain.  
  
“Yes, thank you son,” Jeremy’s dad says, trying to give him a reassuring smile, but falling a bit short. Michael gets up to pull the curtain shut, before returning to sit once more on Rich’s bed. He’s been here more than Jeremy’s house these past few weeks, which isn’t saying much really. Still, he would consider Rich a friend now, and he was even the first person he came out to, a couple of days ago. He will deny it if it ever asked, but he definitely did not cry. Not at all. Nope.  
  
“Hey, you okay?” Rich asks, lisp softer with his more serious tone. Michael gives a single shouldered shrug, pulling his feet up to wrap his hands around his ankles. If he paid attention, he could probably hear the advice Jeremy’s dad is giving him on how to talk to Christine, but he really doesn’t want to. “I may be a mummy in all these bandages, but I think I can still give a damn good hug.”  
  
Michael gives a small smile, sad though it may be, before crawling forward to gently accept Rich’s hug. They don’t say anything, and it’s actually a lot of work on Michael’s part to not accidentally hurt Rich, but it helps. They wait until there is an uptick in noise on the other side of the curtain, when they finally separate, just in time for Jeremy’s dad to open the curtain. Jeremy’s face is slightly flushed, and Mr Heere looks a tad awkward, but overall they’re happy. Michael’s happy for them. “I’ll, uh, be back at school on Thursday,” Jeremy says, not quite meeting Michael’s eyes. It’s currently Sunday morning, but Michael won’t speak up. He thinks it might not be his place anymore.  
  
“Cool. I guess I’ll see you then?” Michael says, standing. Jeremy looks unsure, but nods.  
  
“Yeah, uh, sure?” His dad looks pained, but nobody says anything else.  
  
“I guess I’ll head then. See you later Mr Heere, Rich.” He nods at each. He pauses when he gets to Jeremy, not knowing how to proceed. “Jeremy,” he decides on, not giving the boy long enough to reply before he quickly steps out the room, walking quickly down the sparse hallway of the hospital, hands stuffed in his pockets to stop them from reaching for the fresh wounds on his skin.  
  
He steps out into the cold air outside the hospital, and realises he rode in the ambulance to the hospital, which means his car is still at school. He huffs, cursing himself, and pulls his headphones up. He pulls out his phone, hitting shuffle on the first playlist he finds on his phone, and begins walking.  
  
He realises three steps in that it’s his secret musicals playlist he’s put on, and sighs slightly. Some of these songs might be too happy for him right now, but he’s got a no skip policy unless it’s really bad. He makes it through seven songs, and is almost home, when it comes on. There’s the familiar thumping beat, the slightly creepy electric guitar tuning in, and then ‘stupid child proof caps!’ Michael feels like the breath’s been knocked out of him. Of _course_ he forgot that he had some Heathers stuff in this playlist, and of _course_ he got reminded of that fact with _this_ song.  
‘Aww, look, Heather’s going to whine, whine, whine all night.’  
  
He quickens his pace, fingers fumbling for his phone in a desperate attempt to turn off the song.  
  
‘You don’t deserve to live.’  
  
He turns onto his street, practically running, fingers sliding across the screen, shaking as he tries to put his password in.  
  
‘Why not kill yourself? Here have a sedative.’  
  
It’s only forty seconds long but it’s too much for Michael and his fragile mental state. He unlocks his door as quickly as he can, key missing a few times, and slams it shut behind him when he makes it in.  
  
‘Whine, whine, whine, like there’s no Santa Claus.’  
  
He drops his keys on the floor, whole body shaking as he manages a few steps before stumbling, falling to his knees in the hallway.  
  
‘You’re pathetic because you whine! You whine all night!’  
  
Michael takes in a heaving breath, and suddenly he’s back in that bathroom again, cool tiles and red eyes and broken bones and too much of everything.  
  
‘Whine- Your ass is off the team.’  
  
He shudders as he falls forwards, curling up as he shakes, and that feeling of not being good enough hits him strong and fast in the chest.  
  
‘Whine- Go on and bitch and moan.’  
  
  
Oh yeah, there he goes again, freaking out over a stupid song. Michael can’t even describe how well this was written for him right now, because he can’t even break down without _whining_ about it.  
  
‘Whine- You don’t deserve to dream.’  
  
He chokes on air-  
  
‘Whine- You’re going to die alone.’  
  
His fingers dig into his sides under his hoodie-  
  
‘Die alone, die alone, die alone, die alone!’  
  
He lets out a shuddering gasp and it’s over, and suddenly he feels like he can move again. He yanks his headphones off with bloody fingers and throws them aside, not caring where they land. He scrambles to his feet, heart still pounding, breath still short, and runs to his room, slamming the door without care. He sobs pitifully as he sits down hard on the floor, back to the door, and unable to do anything but cry. “Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ , oh shit, shit fuck oh, oh God,” he breathes to himself, unable to even call his mutterings words. He pushes his hands into his eyes, and lets it out, feeling just a small bit of relief as it all comes pouring out.  
  
Michael isn’t sure how long he sits there, but when he stands his legs are asleep, he has smears of blood on his face alongside snot and tears, and the blood on his sides and under his finger nails has dried. He goes and cleans up in the bathroom, before collapsing onto his bed. Tired from lack of sleep and overflowing emotions, it isn’t long before Michael nods off, and sleeps peacefully for the first time in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so some more self harm references here, and suicidal thoughts. There's also a blood mention and another panic attack so watch out for that.
> 
> ~ ~ ~
> 
> Okay, once again I'm extending this. This is for three reasons: 1) it's almost midnight and I have school in eight hours, so I'm going to bed and i wanted to post something before i fell asleep, 2) I really wanted to end it n five chapters because the number feels better and 3) it's getting insanely long for just one chapter so I'm going to make you wait for another day for this to end.  
> Sorry for the wait you guys, but I assure you, it will be worth it. Also, Heather McNamara is my favourite character from Heathers and deserved better than the other Heathers.


	5. Let The Curtains Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's back at school, and he needs to get his shit together before Jeremy gets back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE ARE WARNINGS FREE, I REPEAT, WARNINGS FREE!

By the time Monday morning came around, Michael was starting to feel a bit better. He’d spent all weekend sleeping, playing video games, though he avoided Apocalypse of the Damned, and eating junk food. His mom was even home for Sunday afternoon, and they watched a movie together before she had to head out again.  
Of course, the thought of school caused dread to build in Michael’s stomach, but he felt a bit better knowing Jeremy wouldn’t be there, no matter how bad that sounded. He managed to make it through school, paying minimal attention to what he was supposed to be learning, until lunch. He entered the cafeteria in his now-usual slump, glancing around to find a seat away from the masses. Instead, he came face to face with Jake Dillinger, just out of his casts but still on crutches for the time being. “Uh, hey,” Michael said eloquently, having only talked to Jake occasionally when they were visiting Rich at the same time.  
  
“Michael! I, uh, Rich asked that I check in on you.” He looked nervous, hands in his pockets and rocking ever so slightly back and forth on his toes. “He wanted me to look after you till he got back to school, y’know?” He gave a small smile, and Michael floundered. What was he supposed to say to that?  
  
“Umm, okay?” He asked, and Jake nodded, almost to himself, before reaching out to carefully grab Michael’s arm, giving him a small tug. He then let go to grab his crutch again, and began to the lead the way to his table. Michael sighed, and nervously tailed along, hating the feeling of eyes on his back as he moved across the crowded lunch hall after one of the most popular kids in school.  
  
“Everyone! Michael’s sitting with us this week, and probably for the foreseeable future,” Jake said, sitting down at the end of the table, leaving space for Michael between him and Christine. _Great._ Michael gave a short wave, and sat down quickly, feeling stupid. He pushed his tray down onto the table, and avoided the gazes of those around him. They soon went back to their previous conversations, all except Christine.  
  
“Hey, Michael right? Jeremy’s friend?” She said, leaning forward to try and catch his attention. He shrugged, not knowing what to say once again. He couldn’t claim absolute truth on that last question. “Jake’s mentioned you before, said you helped save Rich from the fire,” she looks slightly awed, but it helps calm Michael slightly. _This_ he knows how to deal with.  
  
“Oh? That? Uh, yeah, I’m sure Jake would have been able to do it by himself,” he says, before an arm is suddenly around his shoulders, causing him to tense at the unexpected motion.  
  
“Don’t put yourself down like that Michael! You were a great help. I’m not sure I could have carried Rich by myself,” comes Jake’s voice from his other side, and Michael looks between him and Christine with wide eyes. Christine smiles at him.  
  
“It was really good of you to help them out Michael,” she says, smile still present and Michael suddenly feels the urge to cry. He clamps down on it, and returns the smile with a shy one of his own.  
  
“Thanks, I guess?” She pats his hand once, before turning back to her lunch.  
  
“No problem Michael.”  
  
He isn’t sure what to feel for the rest of the day. He may not have spoken much at lunch, but they made an effort to include him in conversation, even Chloe. Brooke seemed really nice, and Jenna had her moments, but Jake and Christine seemed to be the new propping him up, and it felt good to finally have someone to rely on again, even if it was only in a conversation.  
  
It went much the same the rest of the week, with Jake and Christine and occasionally Brooke showing up outside his last class before lunch and walking him to their table, being sure to invite him into their conversations and not pressuring him for anything when he had nothing to say. Michael felt himself finally begin to relax a bit in their presence when Thursday rolled around. The morning went as it usually did, except with some more fretting on Michael’s part than normal. He wasn’t sure how Jeremy returning would affect the barely stable balance he had just managed to gain, and he couldn’t bare to be sent flying off kilter once again.  
  
At lunch, it was Jenna who showed up outside his last class. She grinned at him, but something in her eyes spoke of wanting a front row seat to the latest gossip. Michael’s throat tightened, but he followed her to the cafeteria. There, everything looked the same. The table was, luckily, Jeremy free at the moment, but Jake was also gone, which might explain that. They sat down, Jenna sitting directly across from him on her phone, Christine once again next to him and Chloe on his other side. “Mell,” she greeted, looking him over, and frowning slightly. She tugged gently at his collar, straightening it, before patting the side of his face just as gently. “It’ll be fine,” she said quietly, before turning back to Brooke who was sat on her other side. Michael was sure his face was bright red, but he ignored it. He was thankful for Chloe’s support, it felt somehow more significant than the other’s, probably because she didn’t help people lightly.  
  
It was at that moment that Jake entered the hall, Jeremy at his side. They were talking quietly, but their smiles seemed strained, though Jake was very obviously trying to be comforting. His smile looked more natural when he spotted them, but Jeremy’s began to slide. They walked slowly and time seemed to follow them, throwing everything into an infinite walk of tension to the lunch table. Jake sat next to Jenna, pushing her to get her to slide down, leaving the space across from Chloe open. Jeremy sat down carefully, greeting everyone quickly, before stopping at Michael and Christine. “Uh, hi guys,” all his previous confidence gone, he was the awkward mess he had once been in front of Christine. Never before had this side of Jeremy been directed at Michael though.  
  
“Hey bro,” he said, trying to give him his most natural smile, and hoping it worked. Some of the tension left his shoulders, which in turn lifted some of the weight from Michael’s own chest. Christine greeted Jeremy too, but Michael wasn’t looking at her. Instead he watched Jeremy begin to integrate himself back into the group of people he had squiped only last week. It was slow going, and he hadn’t made much progress by the time lunch was over, but that he’d tried at all was a sign of how much Jeremy had changed. As the bell rang, Michael jumped to his feet, getting away quickly to avoid awkwardly meeting Jeremy at his locker, as he’d managed to avoid all day. Of course, his luck wouldn’t hold out that long.  
  
“Michael!” Jeremy’s familiar voice called, and his hand circled Michael’s wrist. Michael stopped, and turned his head to look Jeremy over. “Michael, can we talk for a moment?” He asked, and Michael took a second to consider it. In the end, he knew it wasn’t much of a decision to make.  
  
“Yeah, sure. Come on, I have Spanish,” Michael said, and Jeremy smiled before letting go of Michael’s arm. They walked side by side in silence for a few seconds, just enough to make it into the hallway, before Jeremy spoke up once again.  
  
“Would you like to come over tonight? I’m kinda grounded at the moment, but, uh, dad said you’re welcome over anytime. Seems you two really bonded over me going crazy, huh?” He seemed uncomfortable, but Michael was still unsure of what to do. Never before had one of them been so badly hurt by the other, especially as unintentionally as this seemed to have been.  
  
“You’re dad’s a cool dude, and I’m glad he’s really trying again. I’d love to come over,” he said after a few seconds of tense silence.Jeremy gave a relieved sigh, and Michael let out a huff of air that almost resembled a laugh.  
  
“Thanks bro. I’ll see you after school?”  
  
“Yeah. See ya later Jeremy,” he turned away from his friend, and headed off to class. Hopefully this would work out well for both of them.  
  
Michael spotted Jeremy waiting by his car when he finally made it out of school. The other boy looked nervous once again, but not nearly as much as he had done earlier. He jumped when Michael unlocked the car, before glancing up to smile sheepishly at him. Michael rolled his eyes, and it almost felt like things were normal again. Then he got in the car, and reality flooded back. “Music?” Michael asked, and Jeremy nodded, looking over at Michael as he plugged his phone in. As the beat of the first song started up, Jeremy turned to look out the window, watching the houses and other cars as they whizzed past. Michael felt his heart beating rapidly, afraid of every little thing he did or said. He wanted Jeremy back in his life, but he wasn’t sure he could deal with this anxiety every time they met up.  
  
They pulled up into Jeremy’s driveway, both just sitting there with the engine off, looking at the house rather than each other. “Michael,” Jeremy said at last, knocking Michael from his almost trance like state. He quickly got out the car, Jeremy following, before he unlocked the door with the spare key Jeremy had gotten him for his birthday two years ago. They headed in, greeting Jeremy’s dad, who seemed happy to see Michael, and headed up to Jeremy’s room. There, Jeremy turned to look at him after closing the door behind himself, serious expression on his face. “Michael,” he said again, but Michael stopped him quickly.  
  
“Okay, we are so not doing this without a pillow fort and the Mell’s special hot chocolate,” he insisted, and Jeremy actually smiled.  
  
“Okay,” he agreed, and they went their separate ways, Jeremy to his bed to gather up the duvet, and Michael to the kitchen to start the drink making process.  
  
“Michael! It’s great to see you again. It’s been too long,” Jeremy’s dad greeted him, watching him from the doorway to the kitchen as he moved around like he would in his own house.  
  
“Yeah, too long.” Michael said, trying not to look too sad as he did so.  
  
“Michael,” Mr Mell said, tone almost exactly matching Jeremy’s from earlier, enough to startle Michael into turning around to face him. “It’s good to have you home, son,” he said, opening his arms, and Michael stared at him in shock. He stumbled forward, gladly accepting the hug, and barely holding back on his tears as the older man rubbed his back comfortingly. They stood there for a few minutes, enough for Jeremy to notice his absence, but he didn’t appear on the stairs. Eventually Jeremy’s dad let him go, ruffling his hair before he returned to the living room. Michael finished making the hot chocolate, made with warm will and cinnamon. He poured it into two mugs he found by the sink, before carefully making his way upstairs. Jeremy looked relieved when he came in, and Michael gave him a small smile. Together they organised a small fort between Jeremy’s bed and his desk, long but narrow and with barely enough room for the two of them.  
  
Once settled, Jeremy passed their drinks in, now cooling, and they sat in silence together for several long seconds as they began to drink the warmth from their mugs. This silence was different from the ones earlier in the day. It was still ripe with the unsaid, but it was more comfortable now, as if they were planning on sharing secrets rather than discussing the past few weeks of horror. Jeremy spoke first once more. “Michael, I’m sorry.”  
  
Michael put his drink down with slow but shaking hands. “You already apologised-“  
  
“It wasn’t enough. I could barely get it out and I was fighting you at the time because of this stupid squip. So, I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, you’re my closest friend Michael.” Michael made sure to keep his breaths even, staring at Jeremy’s hands in his lap.  
  
“I know. And I forgive you, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still hurt by what you did,” he said quietly, hands twisting in the front of his hoodie. Jeremy moved forward slightly, so their knees were touching.  
  
“That’s okay, that’s more than okay. I know I fucked up, and I’m sorry.” Michael looked up, meeting Jeremy’s gaze.  
  
“I-… I need to show you something,” Michael said, knowing it would be best to do this now rather than later, if there even was a later. Jeremy nodded, looking like he was struggling to swallow. Michael leaned back to pull off his hoodie, throwing it out the fort and into Jeremy’s bedroom. He tugged his shirt down, exposing his shoulder, and he saw Jeremy’s eyes widen and his hands fly to his mouth.  
  
They had seen each other’s tattoos before, when they had first shown up nine years ago. Because they were young, the novelty of the marks had quickly worn off, and having them in hard to easily see places, shoulder and upper back, made it too difficult to keep looking at them, and so neither had seen the other’s mark in almost three years. Now though, Michael had exposed his broken mark for Jeremy’s eyes to take in, watching as pain flashed across his friend’s face. “I, I did this to you? Oh Michael, Michael I’m so so sorry, Michael-“ He began to shake, eyes filling with tears, and Michael felt a pang of pain in his own heart. Michael reached forward, wrapping his arms around Jeremy.  
  
“When- when did this happen?” Jeremy asked quietly a few minutes later, lifting his head from Michael’s shoulder to meet his eyes once more.  
  
“Halloween,” Michael said, watching as Jeremy searched back for the incident. He was still shaking, but he took a deep breath before speaking again.  
  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, Michael. And I’m sorry you have to comfort me for my mistakes, when it really should be me helping you, because I _hurt you,_ oh Michael-“ He stopped once again, catching his breath, and Michael opened his arms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again, moving forward so he was actually in Michael’s lap, wrapping himself fully around Michael. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, over and over, into Michael’s neck alongside his near silent tears. His lanky frame was all bones, but Michael was content to just hold his friend. He hid his own tears in Jeremy’s shoulder, hoping the other boy didn’t notice.  
  
They sat there for an unknown amount of time, crying and holding each other and breathing. When they pulled apart they didn’t speak, only wiped their faces down with sleeves and hands, and finished off their, now cool, drinks. Jeremy crawled out once he was done, taking their empty cups with him, and returned a few minutes later with a box of tissues. He sat pressed close against Michael’s side, and laid his head on his shoulder, holding out the box for him first. They both took their fair share of tissues, blowing noses and wiping eyes before settling down once again. “Thank you,” Michael said quietly, and Jeremy turned to face him.  
  
“What for?” He asked, clearly confused.  
  
“For loving me,” Michael said quietly, not daring to look at his friend.  
  
“Michael Mell, I would do anything for you,” Jeremy said, with barely any hesitation. Michael turned to look across his face, looking for any hint of a lie, but found none. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against his friend’s, reveling in the feeling of being close to him, his breath across his face.  
  
“I know,” he said, barely needing to raise his voice to be heard.  
  
“Michael,” Jeremy said a few minutes later, and Michael opened his eyes to stare down at him.  
  
“Yeah?” Whispered Michael.  
  
“No homo, but I’m really bi for you,” Jeremy said, face bright red, and Michael stopped breathing.  
  
“Totally homo, I am 100% gay for you Jeremy Heere.”  
  
Jeremy smiled, and suddenly their lips met. Michael melted, wrapping his arms around Jeremy’s neck to pull him closer, loving the feeling of Jeremy connecting with him. He was in love with this boy, and nothing was going to pull them apart ever again.  
  
“I love you,” was said into the space between their lips, and it didn’t even matter who said it, because it was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read this, is reading this, or will read this! I'm so thankful for all the comments I get, and they helped me actually finish, something which I don't often do.  
> If anyone wants, I think I may be up for making this a series, and it will be very gay. I also have a few theories on some of the squip stuff, so if you wanna talk to me about that go ahead!  
> Thanks again everyone!


	6. Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read if you enjoyed the story! Not an actual chapter but useful info for continued work

Ahhhhhh the archive went down as I was writing this the first time and I didn't write it in notes so I DIED.

Anyway, how's it going everyone? Quick question, what's your favourite song from Be More Chill? I really enjoy all of the Squip's songs, but it's got to be _The_ Squip Song for me.

There was some things I wanted to say quickly about this story and I really wanted everyone's input!

  1. I went back and rewrote chapter two, so it should actually,,,, work now.
  2. I'm going to go edit all my grammar and spelling mistakes lmao like writing squib instead of squip because i succ
  3. I'm thinking of making this a series? With a sequel dealing with the aftermath of the squipcident as I'm calling it, from Rich's pov? Could be RichJake, could be whatever you guys want. Looking for ideas on this one 'cause I only have a vague idea of where I'm going with this one.



Aaaaaaaaand that's it! Thanks for reading guys, I'm gonna go reply to a few comments I missed whilst I was on holiday! Biiiiiii~!


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